Breaking Through The Barrier

Today I faced some challenges.  Not anything major I suppose to most people, but major for me.  I began with a stride in my step and a happy outlook, only to be confused and worried by the project at hand.  It this wasn’t that difficult of a project, but somehow it seemed to cause a stirring in me.  It caused me some mental anguish and some despair.  I would tell you the project, but you might stop reading right here.  So, to save face and to keep you from leaving due to silliness, I will refrain from telling you.  This project was something I had never done before by myself.  I had done this many years ago and had since forgotten everything I had learned.  So, I bought all of the necessary supplies and headed home to tackle this project. Everything in me wanted to “do this myself!”  I read the directions and was still confused. So, I read them out loud.  Sometimes that helps.  This time it did not help much.  So, with a humble heart I incorporated the help of my husband.  We decided that trying to find an online video would probably be the best way to do it.  Why had I not thought of that.  I do that all the time.  Any, I found my video and things became more clear.  When I went into action, things became even more clear.  That’s the way it generally works, I find.  The problem was…I wanted to run!  I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and a desire to just not do it.  Wow!  Fear is so powerful if we let it be.  I kept reminding myself that I had two choices.  I could throw out the anchor and stop the whole process, which in turn would definitely limit what I was trying to accomplish.  Or, I could proceed and take a chance.  If it didn’t work out then I would learn something and then have another two choices to make.  Stop or try again.  If I stopped, well at least I had tried.  If I tried again, well at least I had learned something the first time and then my odds would have increased significantly.  Some might think it crazy that something like this could wreak such havoc.  Perfectionism is a beast.  It pulls at you and tells you that you must not even try because you will never get it right.  It tells you that the competition is overwhelming and what you have to offer is not needed.  But, in reality, that could not be further from the truth.  The truth is that I will never get better if I don’t try.  I will never know what I could do if I don’t take a chance.  I will never be happy with myself if I give up.  The truth is God loves me uniquely.  I am one of a kind and what I have to offer this world is not the same as what anyone else has to offer.  This makes me extremely valuable.  I am driven by a need to be the very best I can be.  So I will and I must chip through that barrier.  One day at a time.  One situation at a time.  God’s grace is new every day.  All I can focus on is that day and that time.  Confidence grows with time and with doing.  Pretty soon, these moments will be laughable and I will be at a whole new level.  To that I say “Amen!  Carry on!”

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